Why Kanye’s Engagement Skills Are Better Than Yours

June 2019, will mark my decade-long engagement on Twitter, and I can’t honestly describe that time period as a crowning achievement. At the time I signed on to the platform that seemed nothing more than a flirty distraction — that gives you room to very briefly announce what you had for lunch, without getting specific — I was already engaged to Facebook.

That tumultous affair was abruptly cut short after the lies and deceit were too hard to take. Luckily there was no grieving spell, and I seamlessly re-directed my time to Instagramming and tweeting.

I snapped out of Snapchat when I discovered that my maturity was a major hindrance.

Truth be told, we never really knew what to expect from Twitter when our chosen handles became official. And my rookie approach is embarrassingly evident in the label I chose for myself — @nilegirl. I did try for @ezinneukoha — but that seemed to be taken or maybe I didn’t add the surname out of blatant cluelessness.

Either way, it’s quite apparent that I just wasn’t savvy enough to consider how an ever-evolving portal could possibly make me regret the handle I’m now stuck with — till death do us part.

I don’t recall much from the earlier days, except the feeling that we were all — more or less — on the same page when it came…