I’m not scared anymore!

Why Friday The 13th Is Now The Best Day Ever, Especially When Megyn Kelly is Having Bad Days

Okay, just indulge me a little, it’s Friday the 13th! And the day started off iffy with complications from life that prove why if you’re days are numbered — you need to take advantage of every minute.

No, I’m not dying today — I hope!

But, I have found life through the channels of Medium, and the gratitude has to come from the source of my belly that dispels the stuff that I write when I’m alone — and not that interested in the “claps” or the recognition that still trips me out.

I was born on May 13 and the year is too appalling to share, but I can confirm that it was thankfully not on a Friday. No, my mother had to be cute enough to choose Sunday — which happened to be Mother’s Day that year.

As I matured and expanded my horizons, it came to my attention that the number “13” isn’t to be fucked with — and this flows from ancient scholars who were so convinced by the disturbing discovery — that it managed to go viral.

There are other cultures that actually embrace the opposite argument for the number of my birth. Some brave indigenous groups seem to invest in the philosophy that the number with so much baggage — is actually the luckiest of them all.

Either way — it’s always fun when Friday the 13th rears its formidable head and challenges us to make epic use of its rare appearance.

I choose to channel the impending downfall of a woman that I despise with the same acumen as when I step on dog poo after being distracted by a phone call from mom.

She sucks ass and I will tell you why.

Megyn Kelly gleefully settles on her role as a White woman with the authority to seamlessly weave in her prized privilege under the glare of studio lights that highlight her blonde ambition.

I can’t forget how she proudly demonized the tradition of Christmas by unleashing the venom of facts that declare both Jesus Christ and Santa Clause — free of Black blood.

Kelly, literally scolded Black kids while hosting her now defunct show on Fox — by drilling the point of how everything they were told about “the most wonderful of the time” is a complete farce.

To be honest, when I wrote about it — I made it clear that I didn’t give a crap what the ethnicity of Santa is — in fact I hope he is White because he fits that description perfectly. Why the hell would Black people want to claim some fat ass White dude — who scares children out of their minds — while their parents snap away for the yearly album.

The “Jesus” thing is also not that big of a deal — when you consider that I grew up with the pale-faced/light-haired version. Every Nigerian household I was forced to visit with my parents had portraits of “White Jesus” and I never thought much about it — because religion just seemed like this ritual that you eventually accept or reject.

That brings me to the real reason why Megyn sucks ass.

She dared to be a White woman talking about a Black woman that she ordinarily wouldn’t even try to compete with on a good day.

The unfortunate fate of Sandra Bland still haunts me each time the circulating video hits my view. What I see is grossly different from those who judge Black people for being black.

I saw a Black woman like me — sitting in her car saying all the things I would say if I were still a woman of color in my twenties — navigating the treacherous terrain of Race in America — on a sunny morning that most White people step into — without the residue of chains and bolts.

Sandra Bland died because she was a Black woman in an impossible situation that would eventually kill her. You can say she was too stubborn to comply or too hyped up to obey the commands of some twerp who used his badge to jack off his insecurities — once he was faced with someone who was smart enough to recognize the weight of her rights as an American.

Kelly feted some random Black dude who isn’t really black — to echo her sentiments about an angry Black woman who couldn’t handle the audacity of a White man who was clearly doing his job.

And now, she’s on NBC.

She earned the millions and the celebrated gig as a result of the abuse she suffered from then presidential candidate Donald Trump — who did his best to abuse her good — so that the media would glorify her efforts even more and offer her the job of a lifetime.

I was pissed when that happened. Mainly because it uprooted Tamron Hall from her station — proving how White women are favored for the gigs that they’re paid a shitload of money to fuck up.

Megyn Kelly Today is failing and I’m ecstatic.

For weeks — the report from Jezebel (my preferred portal for this tale of revenge) has given me reason to believe that Kelly is drowning in the pond of her Whiteness — that doesn’t seem saintly enough to keep her in business for much longer.

It’s a bloody massacre with casualties that include the likes of iconic Jane Fonda and the cast of the revived sitcom — Will & Grace. The temporarily wounded have healed since their dreaded encounter — and they’ve spread the news all over town.

On this Friday 13th, I’m the evil Black bitch who resembles all the creatures that White men with cardboard torches wave away in the dark of night — like misplaced school boys.

Megyn Kelly is having bad days and that’s good news for those of us that can’t stand what she stands for when stands in favor of all things White at the expense of innocent Black children — who don’t need to be subjected to the ranting of a scary White witch.

I’m glad she’s on her way out. I’m disappointed that she was such an easy foe to defeat. It’s scary to watch her struggle with the difficulties of not being White enough to generate enough charisma to fool legions of fans — that are now heading for the exit with gusto.

Her bad days give me life.

These vampire-like tendencies aren’t in my blood — but, shit, I don’t mind being a pale-skinned motherfucker with fangs deep enough to suck out those who threaten my disposition as a Black woman who is in love with her own.

Once it’s all over — I can revert back to my reality and hope that the next time the number 13 lands on a Friday — I will have another reason to lift my middle finger to the ones who deserve to lose it all — for shitting all over their darker counterparts who presently can’t take part in the women’s movement against Twitter.

Yeah, nah, I’m not getting into that shit. I’m done. Today was supposed to be spooky and it turned out to be angelic. Let’s leave it at that.

Disclaimer: This isn’t an open assault on White women (I adore Gwen Stefani!). This is just the account of a Black woman who feels like the chick in Kill Bill. Revenge is clean and deserved. It also needs the platform to flourish.

So, hey!

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store