Bleed through.

Trump’s America: We Won’t Fit In

I still feel like an insider with an outsider mentality. You still feel like I am much less than you and not worthy of being able to dodge bullets to save my life.

I recognize the grief of aligned forbearers and wonder if their children will survive this treason.

You don’t give an utter fuck about how parents of color navigate your invested garbage because you are wearing masks that hide the heavy haze — that clears each time you reduce the bulk of humanity to the clicks of disarray.

this new America, I feel more American than ever.

My passport sits undusted — atop the other one that I was told didn’t need my attention because it couldn’t quite measure up to the greatness of the bulk never exceeded.

You tried to make my good-natured parents feel like crap every time they arrived to visit the kids they bore for you. They had to answer questions that uprooted their dignity but, they did for me.

I accepted that being American-born was a righteous act — even though I wanted so badly to be Nigerian and only that. I remembered the good times with Oreo cookies and Superman III and of course when The Jedi Returned with popcorn and flows of Coca Cola — I beckoned.

I recall the open arms that never shut until I turned back to mommy. I won’t ever abandon the feeling of joy when I left to go back to the land of my heritage despite the pain of leaving something so sacred behind.

They told me I could always come back.

I did come back. Geez! It’s been so long now. I was this bright-eyed ingénue who wanted to fit in so badly. I did for a second there but the tiles cemented faster than expected and now I can’t stop wondering what it was all for.

But, you, America the greatest country in the world, already knew what was what. You knew the country that I had depended on for more than I could imagine would eventually fuck me over. It’s not just me.

I can be so selfish sometimes.

It’s people of color that seep their blood into this new America.

Okay. It’s worse, much worse.

I hate to do this, but I have to. This America was always the America that we tried to sleep away but, unfortunately we were forced to wake up. It isn’t Trump’s America because we can’t give him that much power. Yes, he’s a wealthy motherfucker with legions of assholes that recite biblical verses that the KKK manage under calm and joy.

We happily reject this notion that we were caught unawares. How could this happen to us? How could we allow this unimaginable creature swirl his way into what we wanted to believe was true?

We don’t fit in and we never will.

Don’t ever give us access to what you attain based on your diseased rhetoric and over-polluted dialect. We don’t need interpreters to enable the relationship we will never have.

We won’t fit in.

But, we love this country more than you. We love what it will do for us if we fight hard enough to keep the stench in your direction so that the brown of our skin doesn’t fade into the collapse of your future.

Don’t let us in. Keep us out.

We will build that shelter and let you in when the roof can’t hold the weight of your betrayal. We will let you in and feed you the manna that you don’t comprehend and let you sleep without pay.

That is our America and it isn’t great.

It’s just America.


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