“The Ambiguously Straight Duo” Fucked Up #FyreFest
LOL! Yo! I was having a pretty shitty day until my Twitter feed started nudging me with promises of a reprieve — and boy was I happy I gave in.
I hope I’m not the delivering breaking news because that would be a minor buzzkill.
Please tell me that you are aware of the fact that an army of rich spoiled brats actually shelled out mega bucks for the sheer pleasure of being feted at a luxurious Island in the Bahamas — for a two-weekend musical extravaganza — that was presumably supposed to be the high-tech and high-end version of Woodstock and Coachella combined.
Yep! Apparently having a trust fund, millions of Instagram followers and the endorsement of Instagram models isn’t enough to guarantee that shit won’t hit the fan when you touch down and head out to a tempestuous paradise.
#FyreFest — was fried as fuck! (Sorry! I had to go there!). It was conceived by two men from vastly different backgrounds and generations.
Ja Rule is an acclaimed rapper who spent considerable time in the slammer for gun possession and tax evasion. He became a hot ticket after he made his slamming debut back in 1999.
Billy McFarland is a name that you’re probably not familiar with unless your daily allowance exceeds what most make in a week.
Let me help you out: McFarland is very rich. He was raised in the rich suburb of Short Hills, New Jersey. His parents are so rich that they afforded him the audacity to be an entrepreneur at the impressive age of thirteen. He dropped out of college to erect his own goddamn company — because that’s what you do when you’re fucking rich.
How Ja Rule and McFarland became the “The Ambiguously Straight Duo” is anybody’s guess — all we can say is — thank you God!
#FyreFest was an ill-conceived event that fell apart from the moment the invitation was fully functional.
The Millennial Warbucks in the scenario was oblivious and giddy at the prospect of being the Genie in a Bottle or better yet the masterful Wizard of Oz. He was in control and peddling the gold-plated wears to his constituents — who were blissfully blinded by the desire to ceremoniously live up to the expectations that only the privileged get to seamlessly achieve.
The rapper dude was eager to re-surface on the cape of some random superhero with a shitload of money and enough paper to increase his street cred.
A delicious recipe for chaos and mayhem that ends up being way more delectable due to the last minute improvisation.
The weather was bad. The amenities were direly lackluster. The Island had to shut down due to the impediment of hosting a shitload of rich rascals with valid credit cards, but not enough room to hold all the gems.
And even worse — Kendall, Bella and Emily didn’t even check in to make sure that their peeps were surviving their epic atrocity.
As of press time — every motherfucker attached to this motherfucker is motherfuckin’ sorry.
Yeah, we hear ya! It must be tragic to bet on something that was clogged by dollar signs and the greed of the times, which by the way is also the sign of the times.
The Holy Ghost is not a myth.
We need to be vigilant with the erratic feeds and the assumption that millions will always convert to a ocean side oasis that bans the types that won’t ever understand how or why Donald Trump became our Commander-in-Chief.
It’s all so ambiguous and I wish I could do a better job at clearing it up for you but the cursed duo is currently in the process of “uncoupling.”
So, stand by!