Playmate extraordinaire — Dani Mathers won her title back in 2015. Okay, that was just last year — but in light of what we’ve experienced since then — it seem like ions ago.
So, Mathers — who is a busty blonde with laser eyes and the temperament built from what we would expect from anyone who calls the Playboy mansion home.
She could’ve been easily cultivated from the stray weeds that suck the lifeblood out of anyone who sniff the buds of May.
But, this is July.
Mathers fucked up. She thought she was certified enough to be a mega-bitch because Snapchat told her so. And so did you.
She posted a photo that depicted a woman in the locker room of LA Fitness. This woman was unaware that a buxom blonde was trailing her. She didn’t realize that the world at large was going to get an unfiltered view of her body.
We can’t fault her for being clueless. It happens all the time. As a member of a gym — I too get naked every once in a while — and the best part is that I am completely comfortable with the idea of walking around unclothed because I assume it’s legal and required — since taking a shower warrants disrobing.
But, our unfortunate subject never imagined a creepy woman with no fucks to give would be lurking around — waiting for the opportunity to provide proof to all y’all that there is in fact a group of species sailing through the planet unnoticed.
They are hoping not to be highlighted because they don’t fulfill the requirements of mankind.
They are human.
They look exactly the way they are supposed to without the addition of scalpels and mineral-injected needles. That’s a scary thought!
Mathers, encountered an alien and she documented the evidence.
Who can blame her?
We ordained her the right to shamelessly own the right to be a righteous asshole with a bitchy tendency because — Instagram.
What do you think you’re doing when you post and post and post and post? What exactly do you imagine comes from your need to prove daily that you are worthy enough to be elite — simply because you have managed to secure shot after shot after shot of perfectly coerced images that depict you in the shining light of gorgeousness.
You are not flawless naturally — but you’ve managed to defy the gods in their quest to diffuse you.
You’re thin enough. Your nose is small enough. Your ass is big enough. Your hair is full enough. Your legs are long enough. You breasts are plump enough. You are tall enough to rise above your bullshit.
You are a monster and you just don’t care.
So, don’t care now.
It’s too late to let your conscience designate the attitude that should’ve manifested when you realized that you take selfies in bathroom stalls.
Mathers is the superhero of our time.
I hate what she did but I love that she did it.
We deserve her and more like her who are willing to expose the nonsensical pyramid of working your way up to the food chain of invisible adulation.
She was protected by the helmet of the millions who can’t entertain a good night’s sleep — until they demonstrate the single reason why Mark Zuckerberg is your evil Stepfather.
What Dani Mathers did was illegal and beyond fathomable. She should be persecuted and paraded in the town square of morality just so we can gaze at her tattered remains and pretend we could do so much better.
We created her and yet we dismiss her like a callous that requires a razor blade of scrapings to redeem the coupon that needs to be redeemed.
She’s your fault as well as mine because even though I didn’t wade that deep — my feet still got wet.