My Ex-Friend Sent a Threatening Note On Facebook Messenger and This Isn’t The First Time I’ve Been Harassed By a Female
There is a lot of talk about harassment and it’s encouraging to see the societal progression towards trying to implement rules that will protect women from enduring the domineering and often times aggressive tendencies — that men have been allowed to exact since the dawn of time.
Of course, the high-profile victims that are finally on their way to garnering some level of justice — don’t represent the millions of victims all around the globe — who aren’t positioned in circumstances that permit them the privilege of publicly disgracing their abusers out of their stations.
But, that’s a whole different issue that deserves its own thorough investigation in due time.
Right now, my goal is to shed light on my reality in order to dispel the general view of men being the only aggressors. I’ve had my share of shit from men, but I’ve also suffered under the spell of women who made my life a living hell.
The first time was when I was about nineteen and living with my cousin in Kansas City, Missouri. I had just been ejected from the two-year liberal arts college for women that was nestled in an all-White town in the middle of nowhere. Needless to say I was miserable as fuck and my grades reflected it so I gladly left and moved in with my father’s nephew while I attempted to bring my grades up at one of the community colleges in the area.
My cousin had a girlfriend who had a young daughter and they spent a considerable amount of time in his apartment. I had no issue with it until she began to make tricky comments about my body. It was confusing at first because I wasn’t sure if she was being complimentary or flirtatious.
When she joked about my large nipples poking through my shirt and kept prodding me about my sexual activities— that’s when I knew this was heading into uncharted territory. I had never been hit on by a woman and even though I wasn’t against the experience of having a female show interest in me beyond friendship — there was something off-putting about the way she pursued me.
She was relentless in the way she scrutinized my template and there were also queries about whether I had ever masturbated and being curious about my facial expression while giving myself an orgasm. After a couple of her friends left after a long visit — she admitted that she asked them to rate me and my score was impressive. The last straw was when she ordered me to finger her and I refused.
It was a highly uncomfortable situation to be subjected to — especially since even at the ripe old age of nineteen I wasn’t very sexually experienced and so processing the impact of being sexually harassed in my own home was an event I was quite prepared for.
I ended up moving out after I confided in a friend and she immediately begged her godmother to allow me to rent the attic of her house, which they fixed up for me. I didn’t have the income to pay rent so we agreed that I would work in her African-themed boutique as a way to earn the space that was so graciously afforded me.
Two weeks after I moved into my new abode — my friend’s godmother asked to speak to me — and what she said sent chills down my spine. I still recall how the horror swept over me when I listened to how my cousin’s girlfriend had somehow tracked me down and revealed to my new hosts that I was someone to be feared because of my shifty disposition.
Also, there was the incredible revelation that this woman who was probably in her mid-thirties at the time — was distantly related to my friend’s godmother’s husband. And that’s what she used as leverage against me.
You absolutely can’t make this shit up!
Her plan didn’t work and after months of paranoia — I was able to relax with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be a threat ever again. I never told my cousin what happened, but I never forgot about it either.
Cut to the present and I feel like I’m suffering the sobering effects of deja vu.
I hate Facebook and I haven’t been active in almost two years, but I also haven’t shut down my profile. This is because of how torn I feel at the prospect of completely closing the door to the option of reaching out to friends and relatives stationed abroad. Otherwise — I wouldn’t hesitate in my quest to pretend that Facebook was just a bad dream.
I recently received a shocking message when I opened up my FB page to check for something. It was a long paragraph filled with hateful and threatening language and it was sent via Messenger which was quite alarming. I assumed that only “friends” could reach out for a chat — I had no idea that just about anyone could send you a message.
This person is someone I met when we were both twenty-five — a long ass time ago. We experienced the ups and downs that plague friendships and the crux of our problems was rooted in the fact that my mental growth had far surpassed her capabilities and we eventually grew apart.
It wasn’t a pleasant break up, but it was the only option since things we getting more and more volatile. I was content enough with my life to wish her well as we parted, but she clearly had nothing but contempt for me.
We officially severed ties for good almost a decade ago — in the summer of 2010 to be exact. We had a mutual friend, and so her name would filter in sometimes, but aside from that it was a clean break. Then two years later — we made an ill-fated attempt to make amends, but her toxic attitude made it impossible to get past the bitterness.
So, of course my heart skipped a beat when I saw her mean-spirited message that basically accused me of things that I didn’t do and then threatened me with the curse of never being able to live my life in peace until I apologized for the things that I didn’t do.
She also blocked me afterwards, which is quite ironic when you consider that she reached out to me after years of non-communication to curse me out and then demand an apology she doesn’t deserve.
It’s so upsetting that Facebook allows strangers to stalk you and I still can’t fathom how or why. I’m pissed as fuck with the way social media wrecks us to the point of being vulnerable to shit we didn’t ask for.
I’m also annoyed and frustrated with the women who came into life pretending to be something they weren’t. They used their fucked up personalities to manipulate me, despite receiving no encouragement or incentive to do so.
I’m sharing this to prove that men aren’t the only ones capable of harassment. It can happen anywhere, anytime and the source of your pain can come from anyone.
That’s my truth.