I don’t know Him that well. I’ve tried but our relationship is bordered by a closed hole that reopens when I’m screwed.
When my senses are awakened by the impossibilities that harken my doubts.
To a standstill.
I reach for Him in the tempo of my rushing soul, as I shut my eyes in anticipation for what comes next.
I greet the mornings with a pipe and a stash and still the hymns of my childhood play in the background.
I end the night alone with the shape of the bottle embedded in my hand
and still the Lord’s Prayer chimes in my view.
I spend the day shifting words around and gazing at the lives of past winners and future losers
And wonder where I will soar thousands of years from now.
Each passing day, I beg for mercy and demand to love Him enough.
Just enough for Him to say yes.
Today was the day, but when I woke up
He said no.