God! My head hurts
There is no pounding
Just the ache of melancholy
That thrives best when there is so much
To be aghast about
I posted a rambling piece not long ago in a drunken cave where I could see how shitty it was
Created by life’s glorious mess
Hunkered down and sweaty with bitterness and pride
I coerced my soul to recall how just an hour before
My sunglasses magically disappeared from my bag
After leaving the gym where my body writhed with abandon as I pounded on the treadmill
Why does it always have to be like this?
Into the day without the sun is never dark enough to conceal my alien disposition
My sunglasses didn’t greet my hungry fingers as I besieged my bag with fury
God! You are a motherfucker!!!
The one thing that I relied on is no longer alive
I need to die.
I’m a crazy bitch with sporadic periods, hormonal epilepsy, no career, victim of Eve’s fuck up, direly irrational, hooked on despair and mad as hell that she can’t find her sunglasses.
I walk in cryptic surrender as I dial the Suicide Prevention Line, maybe they can convince me to stay
I was angrier, haughtier and more determined than ever to find my sunglasses as I pirouetted along passers by and motorists — in search of my senses
Never found them
In the managed containment of insular confinement
I brutally menaced a bottle of vodka and imagined how my departure from this gorgeous world would impact anyone
I erected a concert in my honor where artists would congregate to sing my favorite songs
The money raised would be used to develop programs for middle-aged writers who need to be taught how to secure their second wind
Then, Radiohead. That song.
Lucky echoes in my ears as I nurse how quickly I’ve plunged into a mind-altering vestibule
Suddenly I am quenching my sorrows and fading attack with the hymn that used to give me cause for renewal
It’s blasting in my ear and I am slowly succumbing to the darkness of visions and nightmares
My head is too heavy to hold and my stomach feels like it was subbed for a boxing ring
I hate vodka but I love Radiohead
And I’m psyched that I don’t care if things get better because in my dreams
I am Lucky.