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I Almost Became a Jehovah’s Witness, but I am too Crazy for It

Crazy. I am crazed. I suspect you are too. There is absolutely no corner of the earth I want to run to. Well, that’s not true. Perhaps a drunken parade on the streets of Ibiza with technicolor flashlights leading the way would suffice.

But then there’s the smoke filling up the sky. My lungs filling up with blood. The streets filled with bodies. The lone starter filling up his gun with more ammunition.

My mind releasing the energy to the universe in recognition of my final bow.

See, I am nuts!

I am standing at the Greenline station watching the cars zoom by. A good workout and a massive bottle of water does a body good. So, why don’t I feel good?

As I contemplate the obvious — two men walk by and stop a few meters from me. They are setting up shop. This isn’t a party or vendors trying to clean house with the help of the public.

The pamphlets and recognizable postings reveal what I suspected.

Jehovah Witnesses.

Usually I scoff at these people. What the hell are you talking about? You really believe that the afterlife will shower us with a dwelling that rivals paradise?

Lions, tigers and bears all watching with maternal keenness as humans frolic amongst the plush background under the second sky of blue?

God help you.

Wait! That’s what they are supposed to say to me. And they did.

The two men. Older and eager to reach me even though I was standing right in front of them.

I asked them why and how. Why is the world a cesspool of backed up shit and how can I feel human when I am being overwhelmed by the monstrosities of inhuman capacity.

The answers read like a well-developed script that unfortunately contains too many generic tendencies to have the luck of being approved.

I turned them down.

I was so close to being saved. But, I am older and not wiser. I don’t know shit. I’m still the girl who at twenty-eight realized that life doesn’t owe me a damn thing.

I am okay with that. But, what do I owe the world? Aside from the debt collectors that blow up my phone on Sunday mornings — I also owe this planet something — and I need to pay up ASAP!

Or else my ass is fried.

My humble captors were all about my soul and how nothing here and now matters because the real prize lies above the clouds.

I looked up into the blue sky but I was distracted by the palm trees swaying with a message. I got it loud and clear.

I will not be a Jehovah’s Witness today.

Today, I will be committed to the place that gives me breath. I am too scattered for a one-way ticket to eternal life.

Life ended when I was born. Now, it’s time to live and figure out how to extend that privilege to those who need it.

I want to witness that evolution. Until then — I will remain crazed and fulfilled.

Imagine that.

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