Hello My Long-Lost Friend, I Never Thought I Would See You Again

But, now that you’re back — I’m not quite sure how I feel. I mean I get it, I was never a huge fan of yours — even though we clearly needed each other. I can’t function without you. And you really don’t have a choice but to be my friend. Not because you love me at all — I can tell your vengeance every time you decide to pay a visit.

You clearly enjoy making me suffer.

So, yeah, when you suddenly vanished without a trace — I was kinda like WTF?! You were already alluding to the fact that you may take off for good — sooner rather than later and I guess I didn’t believe you. Even when you would reduce me to a puddle of sweat at odds times of the day and all though the damn night. I cursed your ass and mocked your tactics because they were quite tacky — not to mention generic.

I totally get why you prefer to be decked in red.

You are a fiery and complicated disruption that wrecks havoc even when you are absent. You left me almost two years ago. I remember the day I realized that you weren’t coming back. I was reminiscing about what it was like when were you my constant companion. And then I recalled the day we first met. I was so young and hopeful. I thought being a girl was fantastic and I imagined that being a woman would be even better.

But, you had all the power.

I didn’t possess the ability to rip into your disposition at the most inopportune time or riddle you with pangs of discomfort that could challenge the threshold of the most revered sportsman.

While on mental vacay — I felt you watching me the whole time.

The first year was the hardest. I didn’t believe you. I couldn’t conceive that you would punish me in such a cruel way — especially since you know me the best. You are in charge of the mechanisms that make me tick and yet — you were so willing to craft my perfect ending — without my consent.

And, now your’e back — as if nothing at all happened.

You showed up on a Saturday morning and I was stuck in the perplexing bubble of pure elation and utter disgust. I had gotten used to not having you around. It was hard but I survived you. Plus, I didn’t miss all the work I had to funnel into hosting you. And even when I lived up to my end of the bargain — you still made me feel uncomfortable and defeated.

I didn’t miss you. I missed the way you validated me.

Being with you wasn’t easy but I tolerated it because it provided the assurance of who I was and what that means. When you left — you took that part of me that I had relied on without thought and circumstance. I had to relearn myself.

Juggling Wordsmith. I have a lot to say! https://medium.com/membership https://www.patreon.com/Ezziegirl