I’m on a spiritual kick. I’m consumed with the need to disfigure the demons that surround me every time I try to evacuate a prayer.
I don’t remember how it works. I get on my knees or I don’t. I can just lay there and close my eyes and keep them shut for the duration of the time that I commit to the idea of a Jesus and a God.
Actually, I don’t have to shut my eyes. They can remain open. I think better that way.
I don’t know. Where am I going with this?
Oh, right! I’m trying to journal about losing my faith and wondering if it’s really my fault. Christians have tolerance for backsliding but if you don’t find yourself within the span of acceptable time — you are a deceiver.
A lost soul who desperately needs to be saved. I’ve been saved so many times it’s embarrassing. I keep fucking up and I have this habit of questioning shit and refusing to just bet on what I am being told based on the evangelical source.
I have a wondering mind. I’m not a gypsy in the physical sense — but I constantly roam the spheres of learning and challenge the bullshit that has now become the norm — thanks to the panels of social media that is soaked in make-believe.
Instagram is the playground for artful expressions of what being lovely and amazing really means in this day and age. Facebook is awesome for those who need a live coloring book. Snapchat can make you look like an undiscovered super model at 45. And Twitter tickles my fancy in ways that I haven’t quite been able to convey. Maybe because I love it the most.
I’m wondering again. Sorry.
I want to know how a woman who dons a mask from a billion dollar franchise — gets to meet the tech world’s most illustrious leaders. And not only that — her whole family are showered with free gadgets and a free ride to college.
And, yet victims of unspeakable violence are left to languish with no sponsorship.
Diamond Reynolds and her baby girl should’ve at the very least been invited to dinner at The White House. An opportunity to break bread with the sympathetic president who doesn’t give a damn who cares about the fact that he cares about the way his people are being fucked with.
I wonder about why I follow a ton of White fashion editors who piss me off when they post shit about the high seas in the continent where free flowing skirts help the yachts find their course — and only tweet about tragedies when it hits immaculate cities that host their privilege.
And yet when terror at home strikes — they bypass the duty to acknowledge it.
That’s my fault. I have taken care of that issue.
Back to the war in heaven.
There was a collision of astounding magnitude.
You didn’t know when it happened. You were sleeping. I was awake and I’m not gonna front — what went down is beyond definition.
The sky was falling down. Dude! I swear! Like, yeah! It was, like crazy like, really crazy!!!
So, here we are and I feel I didn’t say anything. But, you wouldn’t have believed me anyway. Imagine me swearing up and down that the world will be held hostage by a viral infection that has the ability to convert into anything it needs to — in order to get the job done.
And…this regulated port was felled from heaven. Why? Because the star system caved.
As the earth rotates on an axis of retribution — residue of grinding and winding will cause the forces of friction to combust.
Fuck man! Science is a motherfucker. I’m no Marie Curie but we sure do need her right now.
We need to translate the code of our imminent demise. I think about Alien, Melancholia and other films that warned us of what was to come. Okay, I am reaching a bit with this.
Seriously, and I swear I am being straight up right now. There is a war waging above us. It’s bad, ugly and freaky.
I’m freaked out and so are you. Don’t lie.
White, Black, Yellow, Red, we are all going to burn and our ashes will build the foundation for the next collection of hopefuls who will believe that their destiny has to turn out way better than ours.
God, you are so mean. You know, dear Lord, that they will pay for existing — just like we did.
It doesn’t matter what you believe or discard. When you ascend to the plot that is waiting for you to answer the roll call — don’t be alarmed when Hitler in his prided revelry — is situated atop your likeness.
That’s when you understand that we are truly ONE.
Thats when the war will end. Finally.