Michelle Obama. The Ape In Heels. And in a dress that any ape would fight to fit into.

“An Ape in Heels” is Worth More Than an Americanized Starlet

Apes rule, haven’t you heard?

I was brought up to be better than that. I was raised to watch my words and not curse. I was told that making fun of people based on their appearance is petty and immature. I was scolded for doing that once when I was very young and I never did it again. But, I was just being young and stupid. Once I grew up, I inherently knew that mocking anyone for being fat or physically inadequate based on societal standards is an exercise that needs to be done in private if you’re inclined to participate in that kind of stuff.

I like Gabourey Sidibe. I even wrote about how much I adore her. The thing is that she represents everything that I find refreshing and even futuristic. When she made her debut in the movie Precious, I hated that White people were so into her. I resented that they embraced the film so readily and enthusiastically. I remember joking with my friends after we saw the film, about how the shitload of White people in the theater were sitting there — gawking at the mother and daughter duo in all their heftiness and squalor.

It seems that White people champion us when we are at our worst. It reinforces the fact that they will always be better but in the midst of that is the echo of over-simplifying. Of course not all of you enjoy riding the coattails of Black pain. Some of you care enough to lend support in the only way you know how and that is awesome.

What isn’t awesome is the way that most of you fuck us up for the pleasure of kicks, clicks, and the undiluted fact that perhaps you are way better than we are — naturally.

We, Black women, tolerate a lot. We accept that most Black men think its best to procreate with White women because the results always lead to a finer and better representation of themselves. They do this shamelessly while they openly ridicule what we are and what we are supposed to mean to them.

Black women have to deal with global insults. We have to be paired against the more viable stereotypes that exist to make us feel less than capable of holding our heads high as we celebrate all the wonderful reasons why we are magically different.

You see, its not that we are less than you because that is clearly not the case. It’s really that we are so beyond definition. Our skin is priceless, our lips are gold, our other assets have turned The Kardashian women into tragic caricatures of what their millions can’t adequately bequeath them — despite their wildest dreams.

Black women are apes in heels.

We are not Americanized starlets with chunky accents and a lifelong code into the playboy mansion. That title belongs to your future First Lady.

Yes, the Mayor of Clay, West Virginia — had to resign because of Facebook, By the way, I don’t get why we still use that thing.

Anyway, “a county employee” wrote this on her page: “It will be refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady in the White House. I’m tired of seeing an ape in heels.”

And the Mayor of Clay County, West Virginia, Beverly Waling responded, “Just made my day Pam.”

Whaling resigned because her shit got exposed and the bitch that wrote that shit is apparently no longer working for the county but we can’t confirm that.

What we can confirm is that things are out of control.

America was always a cesspool of grossness and Black women have always been the most prized station at the shooting range. The idea that our current First Lady is ape-like in her presentation — compared to the more finessed future First Lady who spent her best years being tucked under a disgustingly vile version of a human being — is a ridiculous concept.

But, so very American.

Comparing women of color to ravenous animals that scour the earth in search of ways to survive while they conquer the attacks of foreign objects that are also domestically inclined — is quite accurate.

We are apes. And we wear our heels as high as the Afros that none of you can steal from us — no matter how hard you try — in private.

Your First Lady is an Americanized starlet who sold herself to a dream that became a nightmare long before you peeped her.

I think a Black woman in The White House with a husband that matches her disposition enough for her to elevate him is an ape. Bree Newsome is an ape. So is Ava DuVernay. Oh! And so is every Black woman who makes it her business to be something above the infested shit below is also an ape.

Apes rule. Haven’t you heard?

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